You're a Disappointment, Mr. Grinch
plus: the loneliness of Twitch stardom, VR role-playing simulations & other reading recs
You need some help with that?
It was the middle of October and I was taking out the trash out for the nth time in a row, trying to figure out how to balance everything without taking more than one trip. The person talking to me, as I would soon discover, was 1Nick: A 20-something-year-old white man, maybe 5’9" with shaggy dark hair wearing a grey sweatshirt. His name might as well have been John Doe.
He told me he was from Pennsylvania as we headed to the garbage bins, adding that he’d just moved here the month before. I got good vibes from him, laid back and slightly funny, so when he told me his apartment number and said, You and your roommates can stop by anytime, I was thrilled. Could this be? A new friend in my building? I envisioned myself lounging at someone else’s apartment in the winter months, getting a change of scenery without stepping out into the cold. Let the sitcom begin.
Time passed and I never knocked on his door.
Now it’s mid-December and I’m trying to deck the halls before the holiday season’s over. After one of my packages filled with winter decor was “delivered” but nowhere to be found, I called the carrier to be sure. My heart dropped when the person on the other line said, Does someone named Nick live in your building?
I know what you’re thinking: Maybe it was a misunderstanding; perhaps it was another Nick. After all, it’s not the most creative name out there. I asked my landlord if there were other Nicks in our building and she wasn’t sure, but based on the names I’ve seen on other lobby packages, the chances of there being another one that signed for my package seemed pretty slim. I went to his apartment to ask him about it, and when no one answered I slipped a note under his door and left it at that.
I just hate being disappointed by people. It’s my least favorite feeling, and so I usually keep my expectations low to be safe. Whenever I expect a smidge more, I’m let down by guys who hide behind apologies instead of being honest. Or guys who can’t help but mistreat others with their ego. Or in some case cases, guys with dangerous intentions that are so much worse. It’s a wonder why I don’t just block everyone out for good, for my mental and physical safety.
But then I remember how good it feels to be open with someone regardless. To trust or have faith in them even when it’s risky. I have memories of those who made my heart flutter with thoughtful messages past my bedtime, and those who made my eyes widen in wonder beneath a thousand Christmas lights. It’s like the goosebumps you get while suspended in mid-air without knowing when or if you’ll fall. In those moments, I give myself permission to feel anyways. The rarity of it all makes for such a wonderful feeling.
There was a knock at my door yesterday evening. Not sure why I thought to open it while chewing a cold slice of pizza, but alas, there he was. Same grey sweatshirt, same chill, fun-loving personality. He also had a beard, something I hadn’t remembered.
I thought he was going to be mad at me for semi-accusing him of taking my package, but instead he was kind. Told me he didn’t have it and asked if it ever turned up (it didn’t). He even went as far as to thank me for the candy bags I’d given everyone on Halloween. Turns out he hadn’t disappointed me after all; I was the one looking for disappointment. Standing there talking to him, I felt some of those mid-air goosebumps — nothing more, nothing less — and it was wonderful.
Writing Update 📝
Pages Written: 0
I went to a VR arcade for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I figured I couldn’t write about a tech-focused future without experiencing something like that for myself. You call it a fun afternoon, I call it research✨. (Mostly a fun afternoon though, I’ll be honest.)
My experience wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty durn close. Sometimes a game wasn’t calibrated correctly and I couldn’t move without bumping into objects in the real world. In another game, I built a fort just to have my only weapon disappear mid-game, forcing me to surrender to an army of snowmen. But then there was a game where I banged drums to the tune of Nordic rock songs on a boat filled with Vikings, surrounded by tranquil cherry blossom trees. I played that one five times at least.
Such experiences, much like watching Ready Player One and everything else I’ve toyed around with so far, offer suggestions on how I can write in a way that truly captures how it feels to be immersed in virtual worlds like that. A recent conversation with a friend, however, taught me that maybe all of that matters a lot less than I think.
I’d told my friend what I’ve been up to these past few months: reading articles, watching movies, finding creative ways to help me write my novel. She applauded my tactics, but added that she usually did things the other way around: Write first, research later. I used to write stories this way, opting instead to switch things up with this piece. Now I feel like personally, researching first and writing later might be doing more harm to my writing process than good.
Whenever I start writing my prologue, I can’t finish a paragraph without doubting myself and my credibility. I don’t know enough about hacking or computers or to write this scene, I tell myself, and so I spend so much time chasing an infinite amount of knowledge that I forget that what I do know how to do is write.
Sometimes you just have to get the words on paper and have the story evolve on its own. I hope I can trust myself to do that.
Stories that inspired me this week 🔗
Up all night with a Twitch millionaire: The loneliness and rage of the Internet’s new rock stars — by Drew Harwell for The Washington Post.
Nonstop livestreams come at a high price. I’ve always wanted to write a story like this, one that offers an inside look into the “famous” folks profiting off of the Internet’s newest profession. Harwell does not disappoint.
Just How Optimized Can Your Life Be? — by Rosa Lyster for The New York Times.
Just when I thought audiobooks were the key to speed reading, this app called Blinkist proves me wrong. It’s like next-level Spark Notes for nonfiction.
Amazon’s employee surveillance fuels unionization efforts: ‘It’s not prison, it’s work’ — by Jay Greene for The Washington Post.
Imagine an employer monitoring just how long you’ve stepped away from your desk for a bathroom break and saying that such scanning strategies falls under “prudent business measures.” Alexa: The fight to unionize isn’t over just yet.
How role-playing helps police do their job without firing their guns — by Caren Chesler for The Washington Post.
This story made me think about an episode of the Netflix series “100 Humans,” where subjects participate in experiments that highlight their biases. I’m not going to go into it too much, but participating in a simulation during one of the games revealed biases in players some subjects didn’t expect to have. Virtual reality or not, such a simulation seems to far beyond de-escalation training alone ever could.
The iPhone Feature to Turn On Before You Die — by Joanna Stern for The Wall Street Journal.
I set up a legacy contact for my Facebook account a few years ago. Now I know how to do it with something I actually use regularly: My cell phone.
Honorable mentions:
In times of peace or peril, Americans keep working. Not really sure how to feel about this.
A quick trip across the world could be possible someday—if the conditions are right.
Why do women spout chin hairs with age? (Ahem, asking for a friend.)
There are hella Washington Post and Wall Street Journal articles mentioned this week, which means either their reporting is especially great for this issue, or I need to widen the publications I’m reviewing here. Got any site recommendations? Let me know in the comments!
Highlight from my reading this week 🌟
Okay y’all. Not gonna lie, I might need to tweak this section a bit considering this is the third time I haven’t picked up any of the books gathering dust on my nightstand in the months since I officially launched this thing. I applaud my bibliophile friends in publishing who read almost as much as they breathe. At this point of my life, I just can’t do it. That’ll change I’m sure, just not now. And that’s okay. Can’t keep trying to force it.
It’s the holiday season and I’ve decided now’s probably a good time to take a break and reboot, at least until early 2022. I’ll be busy spending these next couple of weeks with family and friends, and actually writing the prologue and first chapter of this darn thing. I love this newsletter but whew, it’s taken up a lot more time that I anticipated. The newer version might need a trim so I can dedicate more time doing the main thing this project is about in the first place.
The inspiration from all these articles and experiences have been great. I love finding inspiration this way, but you know what else gets my creative juices flowing? Boredom. The ideas I’m most excited about for this novel are those I come up with while staring into space. I just need to get them on paper.
Anyway. This week has spun out of my control so it’s probably a good idea for me to bid you all ciao for now! Stay safe this holiday season, everyone. See you in first week of the new year, hopefully with more pages written!
Not his real name.