The Search for a Love Worth Falling For
plus: No Big Dil goes on a diet, live-streaming in AR & more reading recs
I fell in love for the first time when I was 15.
I still remember the butterflies that ate away at my appetite those early mornings before homeroom, and the year filled with movie-like memories after that: Picnics in the park, a candle-lit promposal, Harry Potter-themed presents such as a pack of butterbeer. It was a sweet time — an innocent time — that I’ll treasure forever, I think, even as fewer memories remain.
After I fell out of that love and the figurative credits rolled, I embarked on a new journey, a personal one that’s far from over: Singlehood. I haven’t fallen in love with anyone during this time, regardless of how much I wanted to. I’ve tripped, so to speak, stumbling just long enough for me to blush with embarrassment, regain my composure and continue walking with a scratch, maybe, but no bruises. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because what I wanted to fall in love with wasn’t what I needed to fall in love with, at least not anymore.
While living up the single life in college, I went searching for my “other half.” The Naveen to my Tiana, the Troy to my Gabriella, the Jack to my Rose. My special person had to be the opposite of me, someone loud and outgoing who ate adventure for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They’d make me laugh, cook better than me and convince me to have wild and worldly experiences without keeping my eyes shut. After 18 years in my hometown, I was eager to step out of my comfort zone, but I wanted someone else to be responsible for getting me out of there. But every time I got close to thinking I’d found someone to fall for, feelings would fizzle out before I had a chance to hit the ground.
Little did I know, it was during that time that I started to grow into the person I wanted so desperately to love.
I’m no comedian, but I can make myself and my friends laugh at times. I’m no chef, but I know how to follow a recipe without burning it.1 I’m no adrenaline-junkie, but I love learning who I am in different situations and finding ways to widen my comfort zone on my own.
I’d be lying if I said I’m not still attracted to some of those traits I mentioned before; a good sense of humor is such a beautiful thing to me. Still, at times I’m left wondering, if I possess all of those traits myself, why spend so much time looking for them in someone else?
Who should I look for instead? My “other half” in this moment instead of the last one? Someone who matches my energy in other ways?
I can’t say I know the answer, but at the very least I think the secure person I am now deserves someone I can be secure with while bringing out the best versions of each other. No matter how much I grow and change in the days of Singlehood leading up to that, that person sounds like someone worth falling for.
Writing update 📝
Pages Written: 5. Yes, still 5.
Hey there, No Big Dil readers! I wanted to use this week’s writing update to share some thoughts I’ve been contemplating for a while now. First things first: I’m considering taking NBD on another hiatus or making some changes. Again.
This newsletter was supposed to be a way for me to share my writing progress with y’all, but looking back it hasn’t really served its purpose. Literature books on my reading list are gathering dust on my bedroom floor, and it bothers me that I still haven’t made it to page 10 of my novel even though it’s been months. I stand by what I said: reading + experiences make for some damn good writing. But the missing ingredient here is accountability, which is something I can’t have based on the way this project is set up. To be honest, it’s easier to hold myself accountable when getting this newsletter out because y’all expect to see it every two weeks. Since y’all don’t see my actual novel copy, writing my novel has become a second priority to the newsletter, which sort of defeats the purpose here.
This isn’t to say I’m giving up on NBD for good. After all, the stories I’ve included here have inspired me and my world-building, and I love finding my voice and playing around with sentence structure in my reflections. If I’m being totally honest with myself though, this might be a bit too much for me right now, so it’s time to make some changes. I’m considering making NBD monthly instead of biweekly so I have more time to read, write and live my life in between posts. I may also cut down my inspiration list, instead giving you my list of links sans chunky summaries. We’re going to give this a try in this issue, so let me know what you think in the comments below!
Stories that inspired me this week 🔗
Beem, an app that lets you livestream yourself in AR, raises $4 million — by Sarah Perez for TechCrunch
Their Bionic Eyes are Now Obsolete and Unsupported: Second Sight left users of its retinal implants in the dark — by Eliza Strickland and Mark Harris for IEEE Spectrum
Dutch Cities Ban 15-Minute Delivery Services: Amsterdam and Rotterdam have banned the “dark stores” while four other cities look to institute similar measures — by Aaron Gordon for Vice.
Teen Girls’ Sexy TikTok Videos Take a Mental-Health Toll: Girls are often anxious and overwhelmed by the attention they get after posting suggestive videos; therapists say more are suffering emotionally — by Julie Jargon for The Wall Street Journal
A giant donut-shaped machine just proved a near-limitless clean power source is possible — by Danya Gainor and Angela Dewan for CNN.
Honorable mentions:
The Sims really be out here eating better than me at times.
Uber released a ratings breakdown and suddenly I feel like I know too much.
What does snow smell like? Thanks to climate change, we might find out soon enough.
Be sure to like and comment on this post to let me know what you think of these changes! I would love to hear from you. Otherwise, take care y’all, and enjoy the long weekend. Stay safe. 💖
all the time, lol.
The Search for a Love Worth Falling For
Honestly, rn you’re MY other half convincing a me to get up and get out and do tHiNgS.. (eek!) so any other half of mine better measure up to being even half of you before I can even breath in their direction. And of course, bar is on the floor. Maybe that’s why these joka’s is trippin’…